I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
MIDGETS
????
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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