You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
