I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Randomize
