why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
