I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
