Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
