dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Dick very happy bro
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
