I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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