ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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