Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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