The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
