So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize
