guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
