My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
