I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
