And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
