i was rollin on her like bob the builder
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
