i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
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This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
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Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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