someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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