Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a shit load of segways right now
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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