chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
