we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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