I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
