Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
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Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
True college students do jello shots in the library
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