Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
