I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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