then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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