i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
