just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
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he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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