If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
