So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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