i permit you to call me
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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