Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
