I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
