If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
