eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
