I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she peed on how many people?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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