hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
