I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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