every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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