dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
