He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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