Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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