What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I need to align my fucking chakras
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
