just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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