Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
