I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
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Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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