just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
