I am spending my child support on dildos
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
