Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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