Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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