I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
