none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
