how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
