I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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