If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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