Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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