Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
