He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
