what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
