I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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