We named our party play list daddy issues
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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