Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
