I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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