1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
