guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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