Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize