What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
