I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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