I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
