i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize