And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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