i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
