you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
