So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
