is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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