it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
