I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
