Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
